The Brightest Part Of Stan's Life
by Completely Original Pen Name
Summary: Stan meets his soulmate, but its not a person. It's a lamp that's stuck at the Broflovski residence where its unnappreciated. When Stan steals the lamp, it leads to all sorts of drama. Stamp with one-sided Style. Rated T for violence and slight sexual themes.


**(A/N: The lovely ship Stamp is inspired by a South Park roleplay I'm in. It is my new OTP because its such a beautiful ship. I hope you all start shipping it, too.) **

**Stan stared at the lamp across the room. It was a simple table lamp, with a lampshade and a silver base. It was beautiful. **

**It was his soulmate. **

**The lamp belonged to Kyle. Kyle never appreciated the lamp the way Stan did. He didn't love the lamp like Stan did. Stan was in love with the lamp, and he knew it. **

**Stan visited Kyle all the time just to be near the lamp. When Kyle left the room or fell asleep, Stan touched the lamp. He caressed it, and kissed it, and dry-humped it until Kyle came back in.**

**"Uh... What are you doing?" Kyle asked as he walked in on Stan smacking the lamp back and forth with his erection. **

**"Uhhhh... Nothing!" Stan said, hastily shoving his dick into his pants. "I'm not having sex with the lamp, I'm definitely not doing that!" **

**Kyle sighed. "Come and finish this game," he said. **

**What Stan didn't know was that Kyle loved him. Kyle was jealous of the lamp, and the lamp was jealous of Kyle and Stan's friendship. The lamp shot a lampy glare at Kyle as the two friends played X-Box. **

**That night when Kyle was fast asleep, Stan snuck out of his sleeping bag. He had brought another lamp with him. It was a stupid lamp with no value. He quickly unplugged the lamp, his soulmate lamp, and replaced it with the worthless one. He shoved his loved one under his shirt and then grabbed his backpack. Stan ran out of the house, smiling. **

**Stan ran down the street to his house, and put the lamp in his room. He plugged it in, and it lit up. Stan moaned as he basked in the beautiful, perfect light. He kissed the beautiful lampshade, and then ran his hand down the base. "I love you, I love you," Stan murmured as he trailed kisses down the lamp. He ignored the fact that the lightbulb burned his lips. **

**That night, Stan and the lamp had hardcore Stan/Lamp sex. It was so hardcore that the author can't even describe it because words cannot describe the epic hardcoreness of their sex! **

**The next morning as Stan slept soundly with the lamp in his arms, Kyle began waking up. He saw that Stan wasn't there, and burst into tears. He was going to kiss Stan that morning, and it would have made Stan forget about the lamp and fall in love with him. But that's not how it worked. Kyle looked up and saw the fake lamp but thought it was his usual lamp. He broke it. He smashed the damn fake lamp. He smashed it into trillions of pieces! **

**That Monday at school, Kyle confronted Stan. "Why, Stan?"**

**"Why what?" Stan asked. **

**"Why did you abandon me?" With that, Kyle kissed Stan passionately. **

**With fear of his lamp lover finding out, Stan shoved Kyle away. "Kyle! My heart belongs to another!" **

**"The damn lamp?" Kyle asked. He brought out a bag of the lamp bits and threw them at Stan. "I destroyed it, Stan!" **

**"But this is the fake lamp," Stan said. **

**"What?" Kyle asked. **

**"...Nothing," Stan said. **

**"YOU STOLE MY FUCKING LAMP?" Kyle screamed. **

**"I didn't steal your lamp!" Stan argued. **

**Just then, the lamp hopped down the hall! It somehow hugged Stan, despite having no arms, and then kissed him, despite not having lips. It then glared at Kyle. **

**"Sorry, Kyle, but the lamp's and mine's love is just too big," Stan said. "It's so hardcore that the author can't even describe it because words cannot describe the epic hardcoreness of our love!"**

**"...The author? What?" Kyle asked, confused. **

**Stan realized he had broken the fourth wall. As a result, a wall of the school collapsed, somehow trapping both Kyle and the lamp but not Stan! **

**"OH NO!" Stan cried out. He looked between his best friend and the lamp, debating which one to heroically save! His best friend... Or his soulmate? **

**"S... Stan... Don't you dare let me die because of the lamp..." Kyle said weakly as he was crushed by the rubble. **

**"But I love the lamp..." Stan said. **

**"DAMNIT, STAN, ITS A LAMP!" Kyle managed to scream. **

**"BUT I LOVE THE LAMP!" Stan cried out. **

**With that, the decision was way easier. Stan rescued his lover lamp, and the two flew off in the sunset. **

**THE END **

**...But not! **

**Kyle managed to get out! He got out and was hospitalized for a whole month! But when he got out, he went straight to Stan's house where Stan was fucking his lamp. **

**"STANLEY MARSH!" Kyle yelled out in anger. He was so damn angry. He was so angry that his face was as red as the middle of Satan's asshole! **

**Stan looked up. "Oh, hi, Kyle."**

**Kyle growled and then tackled Stan! He began pinching him all over, and Stan cried out in mild pain! **

**The lamp, getting protective, kicked Kyle in the balls! It then tackled Kyle and began beating the shit out of him! Stan managed to drag the lamp off of Kyle, though. **

**"Leave, Kyle," Stan said. **

**Kyle burst into tears and left. **

**This story does not end happily for Kyle. He went home and cried for a long long long time. He then ate some pie and then ended up marrying someone named Man Starsh. Stan wasn't invited to the wedding because he was too busy fucking the lamp. **

**THE END FOR REAL**


End file.
